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VOIP Phone Blues.
VOIP Phone Blues.  | Time Warner, Sucker, Real Deal, Discount, Opposite Day,

First Call to Time Warner.

  Ah. Yes.

 You can switch to VOIP phones. Yes. Yes. I’m looking at your account. The service you’re on will more than handle your phones and your computer.  Not a problem.

Second Call.

What?  It’s not working? It must be the modem. We’re showing serious packet loss.

Third Call.

We haven’t’ switched that modem yet?  That’s an antique.

Fourth Call.

Yes. We’re showing serious packet loss on your end. Let’s check this out.

Fifth Call.

It must be your router.  I’m going to cancel the tech call so we don’t show a call-back on the first tech’s record.

Sixth Call. 

You ever think about hiring an IT guy? I could refer someone to you?  No? 

Seventh Call. 

It’s not your router.  Your service is not adequate to handle your phones and your computer.  Oh no, we would have never assured you that your service is adequate to handle VOIP phones. Never.  

You need to pay more than twice as much to make sure you have enough capacity for your phones. This is a real, one-time offer we’re making you. 

Eighth Call. 

We haven't upgraded your service yet? You had technicians out there? 

Ninth Call. 

There's not really a way to file a complaint.  Just upgrade the service.  What? We were already supposed to upgrade the service? 

Tenth Call. 

No. There's no way for you to verify that we're providing the service we said we'd provide. No, you can't get an independent technician. 

What? Why would this be upsetting?  We’re cutting you a deal.